Words to live by: Albert Belle

Remember Albert Belle? Prodigious slugger for the Indians and Orioles who was completely and totally insane? You know the guy — he hit 381 homers in 12 years, once almost decapitated Fernando Vina, nailed a heckler in the chest with a baseball, put a GPS in his ex-girlfriend’s car to stalk her, and ran down some kid on Halloween after he egged his house.

After the GPS incident, Belle said, “You didn’t write a story about my Hall of Fame induction. You guys never report the good stuff that I do.” Mind you… Belle’s not in the Hall of Fame. Obviously, this guy’s good for a solid quote.

Belle called the Cleveland Plain Dealer on Monday to talk about how lousy the Indians are now. When asked if he would ever manage the team — which I believe would be a tremendous thing for the sport’s entertainment value — Belle replied, “Unless they got me a lot of new players, I don’t need a headache like that.”

But the real gem of the interview came when it was pointed out that some of Belle’s craziness may be interpreted as “roid rage,” and he pointed out:

“No, I was just an angry black man.”

You know something? Works for me! I think Bonds should have tried this tactic in front of Congress. Hell, maybe Giambi too, just to throw ’em a curveball.

Esoteric

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